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Stumbling Blocks and Stepping Stones

Most people who know me could tell you that I’m not a very creative person. I mean, I love all forms of art and dance is my life, but when it comes to actually CREATING choreography, ideas for scenes, even thinking of poses for a photoshoot, I don't have the most brilliant mind. That’s why I was slightly overwhelmed when the idea for my first concept video hit me like a truck. It was while I was listening to a song I’ve listened to probably over 50 times by now, but this time was different. My mind was filled with a story, clothes, colors, make up, scenes and, of course, dance. This all happened while I was on the subway at 8AM. Everyone knows that mosts artist have trouble waking up before 10AM, so for me to have so much vision and inspiration so early was nothing short of a miracle. I couldn’t get the scenes of this video out of my head all day. As soon as got home that night, I went to work. I started typing all of my ideas out on my laptop, choosing who I wanted to play each part, their costumes, what style of dance I wanted them to do, locations, script, … EVERYTHING!!! I felt accomplished. Like I had done something substantial when, in actuality, I have done absolutely nothing at all.

I say that because I often have strong bouts of motivation, a sudden burst of drive to do something big, but when I get to this step, where all of the plans are laid out, that fire quickly fades. That is what I have recently come to believe, separates me from my peers who book gigs, tours or shows that I do not. I celebrate making the call back, when they don't even crack a smile until they are chosen at the final cut. That doesn't just apply to dance. I think it's reflective of many aspects of my life. I was born into a generation that expects an award just for showing up, for participation. I can no longer accept that for myself. I want this video to be groundbreaking. I want people to walk away from this video feeling overwhelmed by the talents of all of the other dancers and myself. I want them to feel every drip of passion that seeps through our pores everytime we dance. I want them to WANT us in every way possible. I can't wait to make this happen. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't celebrate small accomplishments. I actually think it's incredibly important to do so, otherwise you run the risk of taking all of these proud moments, milestones, blessing and people for granted. However, there is a point when it can become almost crippling. Where you can spend too much time celebrating the fact that you just took a step and not enough time focused on where that huge step you just took is actually going to take you. There has to be a balance because both are very necessary. I have to fight my tendency to do that as I go through the process of creating this video. It's going to be rough to change a lifelong habit like that, but the payoff will be amazing. I can't wait to share this vision with the world.

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